Thursday, April 19, 2007

Kids, They're so Gullible!

For Luke’s big 0-5 birthday weekend marathon celebration, we managed to fit in both Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk and Six Flags Marine World Discovery Kingdom. There were many moments where I wanted to crawl out of my real self, go to my Internet self, and write some quickies. [Hmmm, maybe next time I’ll try live blogging!]

I’ll just do a couple of items, a la Herb Caen and his Three Dot Lounge:

… It doesn’t matter how many things you do for your kids. They will always want more. [Oh, I’m sorry, that’s only true of my kids, you say? Thanks for the clarification.]

… A span of more than five years between the eldest and the youngest means someone is nearly always unhappy with the choice of activity. And let’s not even mention the poor squeezed-in-the-middle girl surrounded by four boys!

… You never discipline nor correct nor place anything but the direst limits on the kid guests you’ve invited along for the ride. This translates into increase whining and demands and acting up from your own children. [Who, in fact, really wish they were the guest children so you’d be easier on them.]

… There is not any one reason that I put Six Flags Marine World Discovery Kingdom on my “Do Not Fly” list nine years ago this August. There are many reasons. And they are still valid today. We are talking about an amusement park which is less than 30 minutes from our house. And I won’t go again. Ever. [Or until Sammy’s Brownie sleep-over adventure there in early June. After that, it’ll be at least another eight years.]

… When your children all get soaking wet playing in a water park area of Six Flags Marine World Discovery Kingdom, the fevered pitch of whining will reach a crescendo. And it will be time to go home. After they’ve aired themselves out on a kiddie ride or two. It will be at this point that the birthday boy will shun his sister’s dry socks – they are pink after all and, therefore, mighty “girlie.” That point will then be followed by mom taking off her very dry athletic socks. Mom will say, “Here, wear these. These are boy socks. I love to buy boy socks because they’re more comfortable than girl socks.” The soaking wet kid will believe his mother. Man, what won’t they believe? “Girlie socks, girlie socks! Lukie’s wearing girlie socks!” [Sung to myself. Not aloud.]

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