Saturday, July 14, 2007

The Weekly Wonderings #18


1. As I’m washing the dishes, the youngest lad comes up to me and says, “Mom, are you old?” I sigh heavily and say that I am. In reply he says, triumphantly, “Then you need Life Alert. All old people need that.” In response, I turn off the TV yet again.

2. I hear rebellion songs from my youth and I put on that hat that says, “I’m rebelling.” And then I realize, crap, my kids are going to be thinking the same damn stuff about me soon enough.

3. One of the curses I really shouldn’t use but do so anyway is “Mother of Jesus!” Okay, in the general scheme of things, it is tamer than others I could use in front of the kids. But what does the youngest say to me today? “Oh, sweet mother of Jesus!” Crap. Damn.

4. Walking through Albertson’s, a worker bee says over the loud speaker, amidst promoting value items, “And happy 7-7-07 to you. It only happens once every 100 years.” So does 7-8-07 and 3-21-02 and so on. What is it with humans that we must assign something special to random events?

5. The youngest comes up to me and starts grunting and contorting his face – either like he’s the Incredible Hulk or he’s trying to poop. I ask him what’s up, and he says, “I’m trying to get that gun game out of my head. I just can’t.” Gun game, you wonder? A verboten online computer game that my eldest son shared with my youngest. We’re now calling the computer verboten for the eldest.

6. Daughter to Pete Sunday morning, “Dad, do you have any errands to run at Target today?” Me, “You’re only asking him because he’s such a softie.” Daughter, “Yeah, well, you’re a mean hardie.”

7. Me to daughter, when she’s whining about going to church, “Stop sassing you Sasquatch!” I think I’ve got a new nickname ‘round these here parts, folks.

8. Sometimes you’ve got to hate the minimalist HTML programming allowed when making comments on others’ blogs. For instance, I’m writing a poignant comment on someone’s blog, referencing my own post about my dad’s death on July 8 20 years ago. I put the date in parentheses, and it shows up as July STUPID ASS SMILEY FACE. How appropriate is that?

9. Thank you, dog, for understanding that after Pete leaves, I get quiet time to myself until the imps are up. So thank you, dog, for lying down on the couch in the Xbox room, quietly waiting until you hear me start my shower. And what can my shower mean? Why, it must be WALK TIME. LET’S GO. NOW. WALK. RUN. WHERE’S THE BALL? FIELD. GO. GO. GO. But before I can hate her for harassing the crap out of me once I’m showered and dressed, I get to love her for leaving me in peace for 38 minutes every morning.

10. The kids are definitely getting older when you go to a regional park and they’re more interested in checking out all the graves in the old cemetery than they are in playing on any of the slides, swings, or monkey bars.

[Image is frame 352 from the Patterson-Gimlin film taken on October 20, 1967.]

2 comments:

jenica said...

number 1 and 8 really had me laughing. number 8 for the irony of the situation. number 1 because i can remember as a kid wanting a posture pedic bed. i couldn't for the life of me understand why only *old* people used them. this also coming from the girl that would fake sick and stay home from school in order to watch matlock in the early afternoon. yes, the youngin's and the elderly watch far too much tv. ;-D

Florinda said...

I was thinking along the same lines as your #2 earlier this week...it's down in about the 5th paragraph of a post from the 11th. It wasn't about "rebellion" songs exactly, more about how our perspective on songs from our youth - are we old? - shifts over time.

And my 12-year-old stepdaughter with the size-10 feet - well, we have a Sasquatch around here too :-).

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