Saturday, July 21, 2007

The Weekly Wonderings #19

A Drunk Mel Gibson
1. My house is the fault zone. At least one end of the house is. Who’s the cause of the shouting? “It’s her fault!” Why is that one crying? “It’s his fault!” Why are you in trouble? “It’s all her fault!” Taking responsibility for one’s own crimes is apparently something that we learn later, unless of course we’re Mel Gibson or Michael Richards or some other celebrity-gone-mad.

2. I need time-elapsed photography in order to see the demolition crew in action. I clean a room, go to another room, and return to the formerly-clean-now-messy room. WTH?

3. Irrefutable sag proof? Work up a sweat cleaning house. Come up for air, look in the mirror, and see lines across your lower chest, indicating sweaty bosom has been hanging out there. Laugh, then cry, then laugh some more. And then get back to work, woman!

4. Another mother at the school says she tells people her breast size is now 38L. That would be 38-Long.

5. I don’t know if it’s original, and I’m guessing not, but I’ve taken to saying it’s “kneeage” rather than “cleavage.”

6. Oh, but middle-aged women are a funny lot, aren’t we?

7. I am so lucky that one of my F&B friends reads my blog! In the A-Z meme, I mentioned I love ice cream cake. Guess who came to dinner at our house Saturday night? And guess who brought an ice cream cake with her? And also an awesome game called

8. This same F&B friend is a bit surprised that I read Oprah’s O Magazine. [Yes, she’s about the only F&B friend I have or at least see with any regularity.] The magazine’s focus on high-end clothing and accessories sticks in her craw. Like a man caught with Playboy, I use the line, “I like to read it for the articles.” In my case, that’s true. I always bleep over ads and any articles about fashion because, duh, look at me. Not. My. Thing.

9. What do I happen upon in this issue of O? The creative director, Adam Glassman, is giving advice on what shouldn’t be worn in the summer. “Shorts on adult women in general are ghastly; wear cropped pants instead.” That’s a joke, right? Women aren’t supposed to wear shorts? Since freakin’ when? I mean, I wore long pants as a self-conscious girl and teen ashamed of her “fat” legs. I sure as shit am going to wear shorts now that I don’t give a rat’s ass what my legs look like.

10. Maybe my F&B friend was right about O. And, really, I was only looking at the style report because it was opposite an ad for Diet Coke Plus. You know about that, right? Vitamins and minerals added to Diet Coke. Tastes the same. But I just feel kind of ashamed that I turn to a soft drink for that. Let me just swallow my Centrum Silver in relative peace, all right?

[The Mel Gibson mug shot was easily found by me by heading over to The Smoking Gun.]


jenica said...

i'm in the same exact place right now with your uncleanable rooms and sweaty boob-age (no matter where it hangs). brightened up my day!

glad you got to have some cake and eat it too. ;-D

Dalissa McEwen Reeder said...

I guess I am a 38L as well and then some.

Use of the term "rat's ass" forever endears you to me, btw, it's one of my favorite terms.


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