Monday, August 20, 2007

Jump One, Jump Twosday #7: Talking Heads

Another Twosday, another edition.

Last week, we had eight players, including me, with five saying we’d jump Jennifer Aniston, two saying they’d jump Angelina Jolie and one saying she’d jump out of their way. Here’s hoping the fact that only one of our options this week can be said to be a looker won’t cause many people to turn away today.

The rules? I will supply you with the names of two people. You have to choose which one you would jump. Do not let your sexual orientation get in the way of playing. Do not let the living status of the options get in your way. You must choose one of the two. Suicide is not an option. “Jump,” of course, is a polite way of saying “having your way with sexually.” (But you knew that, didn't you?)

Jump One is commentator, columnist and author Ann Coulter, who proves that it is possible to be a conservative and gorgeous at the same time. She came to the national scene during the sexual harassment suit filed against Bill Clinton by Paula Jones. She worked for a time for MSNBC and is a frequent guest on many a political talk show. Ann has written five books, with her sixth slated for an October publication. The title for the latest? If Democrats Had Any Brains, They’d Be Republicans. Ann has been in hot water many a time, but she always seems to weather the storm. One of the most recent storms had her calling John Edwards a “faggot.”

Jump Two is almost the complete opposite of Ann: the very liberal, less-than-attractive man himself, Al Franken. The truth be told, he’s actually gotten better looking with age (or my eyes have gotten worse). Franken was one of the early writers on Saturday Night Live, and that’s where I can conjure him up in my mind. His 2003 book Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right brought upon him the big guns of Fox News for trademark infringement. (Fox lost.) He was one of the forces behind Air America Radio and he hosted The Al Franken Show for a few years. He has since thrown his hat into the ring to be a Senator from Minnesota.

So, who’s it going to be? Jump One?
Ann Coulter
Jump Two?
Al Franken
Hard as it might be to believe, I almost would have chosen the evil genius Ann, had she not called Edwards that. She’s brilliant. She’s gorgeous. She’s vibrant. She’s glib. The fact that she’s conservative? Heck, I’ve slept with a conservative (or two) before. I’ve always been a beat or two behind Franken’s humor, much to my never-before-revealed shame. And he’s really rather unappealing to me physically. Yeah, sometimes looks matter. Let’s face it, they both have to have similar levels of meanness and spite in order to be doing what they’re doing. But calling someone a “faggot” is not something I can overlook. So let me take my glasses off and have my way with Al.

How about you? Wanna play? Comment below or explain your choice on your own blog and let me know so I can link to you. BTW, if you've got an idea for a match-up, send it my way!

[Coulter photo from; Franken photo from]


Becky said...

I despise Ann Coulter. Well... let me rephrase... I dislike the type of human she makes herself out to be on these gratuitous shows she ends up on. I'm sure that some of it is "for the ratings", but truly, the comments she makes always seem to have me wondering... "is she an actual human? B/c only Evil Dick on Big Brother 8 and she would say that about another human being... seemingly without remorse". I'm all over Al this week. Yeesh. Neither are very appealing. (Have we already done Britney and Lindsay? Cliche, I know, but I'd love to wax on those 2 gems in the Hollywood sign...)

Anonymous said...

EW! Neither! No way! Wouldn't. Ever. Happen.

Sian said...

Don't know either of em but if you change the glasses on the chap, he's not so bad. And what I know of Saturday Night Live is only outrageous. So I'll go for Al.

Clare said...

Definitely Al Franken.

Anonymous said...

I love Al, but it would be great to do Coulter. Giving in to your most primitive instincts. Calling her filthy things and feeling no regret, because she is those things. Degrading her and treating her with the same disdain and lack of compassion that she has for others. Turning her into nothing but a c**t, because that's what she is.


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