Monday, September 3, 2007

Jump One, Jump Twosday #9: The Sexators

My apologies to players in other countries. While last week at least had a Brit in the equation, the players this week are not only Americans, but they are Republicans and, up until days ago, there were both U.S. Senators.

Same rules as always: I give you the names of two people. You have to choose which one you would jump. Do not let your sexual orientation get in the way of playing. Do not let the living status of the options get in your way. You must choose one of the two. Suicide is not an option. “Jump,” of course, is a polite way of saying “having your way with sexually.” (But you knew that, didn't you?)

Another round of “hold your nose and play.” ‘Cause this week, folks, it’s two bad, bad boys.

Jump One is former Sen. Larry Craig, who resigned from his post on Saturday following his pleading guilty to a misdemeanor when busted at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport. When the Capitol Hill newspaper Roll Call broke the story Monday, all hell broke loose. According to the arrest report, Craig entered a bathroom June 11 where an undercover cop was stationed. Craig sat in the stall next to him and began tapping his right foot, touching his right foot to the left foot of the officer in the stall next to him and brushing his hand beneath the partition between them. [Dang, who knew there was a Macarena-like dance for picking up men in bathrooms?] Anyway, Craig tried to scoff at reports he was gay – apparently he’s been hounded by rumors for decades – but, in less than a week, he’d fallen on the sword, as his fellow Republicans demanded.

Jump Two is
Sen. David Vitter, the esteemed Republican Senator from the state of Louisiana. In July, it came out that his phone number was in the records of the now infamous “D.C. Madam.” The next day, he made a statement admitting to “a very serious sin in my past,” and saying he’d “asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife.” Some of those with long memories mentioned his wife Wendy’s comment about the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky scandal. “I’m a lot more like Lorena Babbit than Hillary. If [David] does something like that, I’m walking away with one thing, and it’s not alimony, trust me.” [I’m guessing that reminder of Babbit and her cutting off the penis of her husband has sent chills down any male readers’ spines.]

So, who’s it going to be?

Jump One?

Or Jump Two?

No problem here, even if the kinky rumors about Vitter turn out to be true. (Think of the astronaut-gone-wild woman, and you’ll know where I’m coming from.) I feel sorry for Craig, a man who clearly believes he can’t be true to himself. But having sex with random strangers is not something one can forgive. It’s my belief – misguided as it may be – that the high-priced prostitutes frequented by Vitter, while still strangers, are going to have better STD histories and be more apt to require condom use than are strangers Craig has picked up in other bathrooms in other airports, train stations and parks. So I go with Vitter for general hygienic purposes and also ‘cause I’m counting on his wife to have made good on her threat.

[Craig's photo is the mug shot from the police; Vitter's is the official Congressional photo.]


Anonymous said...

Vitter. My decision is based on the photo alone. I couldn't bring to consider their actions.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't bring MYSELF to consider their actions. Silly typos.

Jillie Bean (AKA Bubba's Sis) said...

Definitely Vitter. Craig is just ikky, IMO.

Jeni said...

Your logic on why you'd opt for Vitter is one I probably wouldn't have thought about but now that you mentioned it here, it makes perfectly good sense.


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