Saturday, September 1, 2007

Sunday Scribblings: The End


Because I’m never sure when it will come on, when the craving does appear seemingly out of nowhere, I always find myself having to remind myself of several things. One, breathe in. Two, breathe out. Three, I’ve quit. Four, it’s over forever. Kaput. Finis. The end.

It really hasn’t been that long ago that I quit. The urges came on much stronger at first, once the decision had been made. I tried to appreciate it more when I knew it was ending, but I probably didn’t focus hard enough. There are times now – random times – when I’ll berate myself for not enjoying it more when I could do it. As with the urges, I’m never quite sure when those moments of regret will strike me.

I spotted a pair of them a couple of weeks ago in their car. Sometimes I’m thankful to be driving the Jeep because I can see so many people. When I come across those kind of people, though, I long for a low-to-the-ground Miata or a one-of-the-crowd sedan. I could see completely into their car. They had all of the accouterments. Breathing deeply, stopped at the red light, I could smell the dead giveaway. I pined for my own.

And then it happened again last night. The five of us were out to dinner. We had to pass through a crowd of them to get into the restaurant. And sitting at the booth behind us was a set of three. Two of them took turns doing the deed. I begrudged them somewhat. My husband mostly just teased them, tried to scare them.

I still have dreams about it. Nightmares, really, starring me. I guess that’s not uncommon. I suppose that they’re as typical among exes as those dreams of not studying for exams come long after the school years have ended.

Most of the time, I’m so happy we made the choice to take better care of ourselves. We have so much more energy than before. We can do so many more things. The world is pretty closed up to you when you’re hooked. When you’re freed from that restraint, you can do almost anything.

It’s been more than three years since we eliminated them from our lives. Babies, they’re a hard habit to quit.

[Thank you, Sunday Scribblings, for a fine prompt this week.]

26 comments:

Jeane said...

How adorable and surprising - I liked this.

Tammy said...

You made me read it twice and you my dear are very clever. lol

Jennifer said...

I'm not sure if you're talking about a good smoke, but if that's what it is. I feel for ya. Good for you for staying quit! You got to keep quitting forever. Hubby and I quit for a year and then started again, stupidest thing we've ever done. Don't ever ever ever take one, not even one. Don't look back! You go girl!!!

Scribbit said...

You had me going for a good four or five paragraphs :)

Olsum's Diary said...

"The world is pretty closed up to you when you’re hooked. When you’re freed from that restraint, you can do almost anything." You said it well. Craving for things lead to suffering. Letting go of it, sets you free. Good perspective from someone who've gone through it.

Gill said...

Well done for staying strong! Being hooked is never a good thing.

Robin said...

That's great. It took several reads before I realized what you were talking about. I'm still torn on the "one more baby" issue, but at least the quitting smoking is firmly under control.

Very well written.

Pacian said...

Aieee! A horror story if I've ever read one. ;-)

Ingrid said...

That was funny. At first I thought you were talking about smoking.

I consider myself done, but my husband doesn't want us to quit yet. Maybe I'll show him your post.

gautami said...

You decided well.

Jolene said...

They should make a patch for that habit - oh yeah, they do :)

I kicked the habit one cold day back in December 2005. No regrets, ever!!!

harmonyinline said...

You are right they are hard to quit I find myself wanting another one they are so cute

Jeni said...

Have grandchildren! They're so much better than the first edition ever was!!! Trust me, I know what I'm talking about on this one folks!

Shelby said...

yes - grandchildren are the thing to look forward to now.. but a bit away for me - for you too I'm sure.. but one day :)

MissMeliss said...

You had me convinced you were talking about smoking, until the very end. Great post.

Rena said...

Great post!! You had me guessing the whole way through and then I had to go back and read it again once I "got" it. Well done!

Bubba's Sis said...

Love. This. Post.

And I SO get it! It has been many years since I quit, but some days I really start Jonesing for one. It's a hard habit to kick.

Josie Two Shoes said...

Delightfully clever twist on a prompt,Patois! This was a great read with a surprise ending - awesome writing! I will definitely be back for more. :-)

Lucy said...

I felt like my husband could have wrote this. He is having a very difficult time with it. He quit last year with acupuncture, now he is fighting the overwhelming desire. Good Luck to you both. I hope you continue to fight it! nicely written!

D... said...

Ahhh....wonderful post. I find it a hard habit to break as well. My last one is about to hit the double digits. I can feel the shakes for another one coming on....

Hope said...

It starts at about two years, then I'm thinking "he's just not a baby anymore". Oh he still smells like a baby but his desire is to get down and run or find a bug, and that sweet warmth in my arms, the deep inhale at the neck and the top of his head is gone. After four I still have withdrawls but dad made sure #4 was the last. So I'll just have to get over it... until the grandkids. But not too soon. Thanks for the look back.

Redness said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Redness said...

They say it's harder than heroin to quit, you're fantastic ... and your post, genius!

Frances said...

Oh man what timing.
I was just craving a...no I won't say it!
Your post is just tooooo clever
Sending good vibes your way.

JerseyGirl said...

You got me! Of course I thought it was cigs, funny how cigarettes and babies can have so many paralells.

Visions and Voices Studios said...

I am inspired by your bolg. Your posts are thought provoking.

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