1. Estranged from her older brother for years, my friend D. sent a note to his widow, telling her that she was glad her brother had found her, that it sounded as if they were good to each other, and that it sounded as if her brother’s last years were good thanks to his wife. Knowing their rather grim financial status, she also offered to pay for the funeral. Months went by, and D. heard nothing. One day, about six months after her brother’s death, she got a stack of papers with the note, “D., pay this.”
2. D. knows the widow’s English is not particularly good, so she doesn’t hold the brevity of the note against her. But D. marvels at the fact that not one cent had been paid, and the funeral home had sent the outstanding bill into collections. D. contacted the funeral home, explained the situation. They were more than happy to take it out of collections and have D. send them a check. D. asks, “Do you take credit cards?” Why, yes, they do. So D. puts it on two credit cards, figuring she might as well get miles for it.
3. I don’t know what his name really was, but I’ll forever more think of D.’s brother as Miles.
4. Speaking of death, Life Savers has come out with some sour candies. We’ve bought a bag (or two). Included are the green sours, which I’m not real fond of nor is the eldest. He says, “Just pretend they’re invisible and don’t exist.” My comeback? “Why don’t I just pretend you’re invisible and don’t exist?”
5. And, truly, what is it with my kids? I can’t even get them to eat green candy, much less vegetables.
6. Le daughter, to her Dad, “Mom says I can’t buy it. So I might not be able to buy it.” While you can if you keep sucking up to your Dad!
7. Over Labor Day, we were at the beach with some church folks. I was talking about how the first Sunday of each month – known as “Bring a Friend Day” – is something I call “Bring a Sinner Day” as that’s the day I drag my husband in.
8. One of the women mishears what I say and says, “I didn’t know that’s what it is. I don’t think I know anyone.” She things I said “Bring a Senator Day.”
9. I laugh even harder when she mishears another woman saying how she doesn’t watch traditional movies. She prefers porn. What?!!! No, she prefers foreign.
10. If we can tie Larry Craig into it, we’d be able to watch the porn on “Bring a Senator Day.”