Saturday, October 13, 2007

The Weekly Wonderings #31: Field Trip Death March Edition

1. Want a great place to go on a field trip in Northern California? If conditions are right, then Audubon Canyon Ranch is the place to be.

2. If conditions are all wrong, name the one place you don’t want to be on a field trip? Audubon Canyon Ranch.

3. We divided the class into six groups. My son and his best friend came in my car, along with two very nice fifth grade girls. My son’s best friend’s mother. And the strange boy no one ever wants to hang out with.

4. Do you know what happens when you’re on a very curvy road? Funny lady that I am, I say, “No one is getting car sick, right? Ha ha ha.”

5. One of the two very nice girls chooses that moment to spew. And all hell breaks loose among the trapped children in the back. “Pull over. Stop the car. Let us out.” But on a very curvy road, turnouts don’t come up soon enough. When I do manage to pull over 30 seconds later, all of the well children leap out of the car. The sick girl in the way, way, way back? She stays.

6. Cruel of me to say, yes, but I am so glad that all she has done is vomited all over herself and not the beautiful luxury vehicle. The other very nice girl has an extra pair of sweatpants. We’ve brought garbage bags for dirty shoes and such. They are immediately put to use. Just one spittle of vomit remains on the seat belt where she was. Since the girls must now sit closer to the front, we make the strange boy sit where vomit girl had been sitting. He is not happy. No one cares.

7. We arrive at our destination and make comments about the light rain falling. A three-hour tour awaits us. (A three-hour tour.) The weather started getting rough, the tiny group was tossed, if not for the courage of the fearless moms, the tour group would be lost. (The tour group would be lost.)

8. Torrential frickin’ rain. Torrential. Mud. Mire. Muck. Hills. Up then down. The tour guide/enemy leader would not stop. Would. Not. Stop. We all hate her. We talk of an overthrow, but we are too weak and she is the only one who knows how to get us out of this hellhole called nature.

9. Do you know that they tried to develop this land into homes and shopping centers 40 years ago? Oh, they had grand plans. I comment too many times that I wish the development dreams had come true and that I was, in fact, sitting having a biscotti and cup of hot chocolate at the local bistro. We all hate her.

10. We ultimately form a plan of attack, tie up the tour guide/enemy leader, and leave her near the Clem Miller Lookout. What happens at Audubon Canyon Ranch, stays at Audubon Canyon Ranch. And my blog.


josie2shoes said...

Ooh this sounds torturous! My sympathies are with you. Bet your hand will be the first one up to volunteer next time? Not!

Anonymous said...

Yikes. Personally, I see nothing cruel about not wanting vomit in your car. The scent will never leave. Trust me, I know.

jenica said...


*he is not happy. no one cares*



so glad that i wasn't there. my 2 year old gets carsick, it used to always hit on the off-ramp to our house. close enough to not want to pull over yet, and far enough away to get stuck in traffic and have the vomit soak completely into her carseat. lovely.

mitzh said...

I feel bad for the strange boy.

You, you always made me laugh, Patois and I thank you for that.

Re: the vomit if I were there I'll be 100% sure be joining her. Not because of the curvy road but because I have a weak tummy. I remember when my daughter got sick and she vomited, I was also vomiting beside her which makes her cry even more. I feel so bad for her and for myself. :(

Jeni said...

Ever wonder why it is if kids get sick in the car, it is always -and I do mean ALWAYS - when the car is loaded with others besides regular family and always when you are going someplace special too!??? My son did that in the backseat of the little Chevette I had when the kids were young - car loaded to the gills with older daughter's friends, her two younger siblings (of course) and we were enroute to Mickey D's for the older kid's 10th birthday party when "favorite son" decided to unload his stomach contents - about 300 yards from the exit ramp too I might add. Lovely! The girls all hurried to get out of the car and of course, he just sat there! Typical.

Unknown said...

I came here from you Haiku & OH DEAR!! Shame on the tour guide for dragging you into the wilderness in the rain. And, car vomit? Ugh. I hope you had your car febreeze.


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