Friday, November 9, 2007

Cleopatra

I have a friend. She is a very good friend. She has a wonderful husband. I have a wonderful husband. She has two adorable children. I have two three adorable children. Her oldest adorable daughter and my daughter are BFF. Collectively and singularly, my family enjoys hanging with her and hers.

My friend’s husband is in the video game business. No, he’s not a hustler. No, he doesn’t service arcade games. He writes code. Apparently, he writes quite brilliant code. As I understand it, his code is beautiful. Poetic, as it were.

He is not particularly happy with his current situation. He has sent his resume and code samples along to several folks, near and wide, and nearly all have been seemingly frothing at the mouth to talk to him, to hire him, to have his poetic code make their games sing (or maim or kill, this being the video game business).

One company has offered him a job. It seems like it is a company he would enjoy working for. It seems like the people there are his kinds of folks. It seems like this is perfect in every way. It seems like this company is in New Zealand.

Did I mention I live near San Francisco, as does my very good friend and her poetic-code-writing husband and her two adorable daughters, including the BFF of my daughter? I’m not sure irregular readers – and not necessarily of the dietary tract kind – know where I live, where they live.

The other day, someone mentioned my very good friend was not committing to any Girl Scout activities because things are uncertain right now. Thursday, my very good friend indicated that, yeah, it really looks like it would be coming together. She mentioned they’d not said that aloud to the family, which has been totally encouraging about it. I have been only encouraging. I will continue to be encouraging.

But I will be very, very, very sad if this comes to pass. For my daughter, especially. Because, being raised as a military brat, I never expected friendships to last a lifetime. But I expected my kids’ friendships to last just that long. Sure, people will change and friendships will evolve – or end – but some will always be there because they’re your hometown friends.

And I will also be very, very, very sad for me. Because I do not make friends easily. And that’s because I’m only looking for a particular type of person with whom to forge a friendship. Yes, it is all of my own making that I don’t make friends well. I have strict standards about the quality of the person with whom I am a friend. And this lady, the mother of my daughter’s BBF, she meets all those standards.

There are so many ways to keep in touch with people who are far away. But when your world sometimes quakes and a hearty shoulder is what you need, there is nothing that will make that person and her shoulder really in front of you.

[The post title? Queen of the Nile. Queen of Denial. Get it?]

23 comments:

Bubba's Sis said...

I am sad for you. If I lost D I don't know what I would do - we're just like ya'll - we're BFF's, our daughters are BFF's, our sons are BFF's, our husbands - well, I don't know about BFF's but they get along swimmingly. I don't think dudes have BFF's.

Wish you lived closer - I could be your new friend!

Heidi Hyde said...

I'm sad for you. It's so hard to make friends as an adult woman...but you guys will keep in contact. *sniff*

-HH

WorksForMom said...

Yep. I hear ya sister. I lost my BFF a year ago when she moved down south. I still miss her. You always say you'll keep in touch, but we all know how that story ends.

Hoping things work out for you and your daughter Patois.

Hay:o) said...

Just visiting....sorry about your friend..I'm on the other end having just moved away from all mine. Though it has to be said, New Zealand rocks...perhaps you could move here too? You're more than welcome :o)

Maria said...

It is hard to let go like that with a friend, but I know that you will be supportive. And it is a GOOD thing that your friend's spouse will find something that excites and interests him.

New Zealand is really far, though.

Tough situation, but you have to be the good friend that she needs now, yes?

And, wow...it IS tough to make friends as we get older, isn't it? My bar is set much higher for friends than it used to be and I like a small, tight circle.

Good luck.

mommyof2galz said...

Awww- I know how you feel! I hope he finds something else closer to you guys :(

bubandpie said...

Denial is absolutely the way to go for this one. Stay there as long as possible - because who knows, maybe it won't happen.

Rebecca said...

I am that friend. No, not YOUR friend, of course. Well, I guess I sort of hope we could be considered friendLY at this point. But I digress...

What I mean to say is that I am living a year and a half ahead of where you are now -- in pretty much exactly the situation you describe. Except we were the ones who left.

I won't lie to you. It sucks to be so far apart. I miss her so terribly and I know that she misses me. Ditto the husbands. Ditto the kids. But do you know what? They are still our best friends. We talk every single day and we share the mundane every bit as much as the important stuff. The kids pick up right where they left off when we visit. And our kids still list each other first when asked about best friends, even though they have been apart for 14 months and at the age of 5 it can be hard to remember what happened last week.

You're right; it's not the same. Not by a long shot. But somehow, the way our friendship has survived the distance makes it even more important and special.

Chichimama? Care to chime in here? :)

Gina said...

Oh boo for that.

I am similar to you, I am very picky with friends, I don't just call anyone a friend.

chichimama said...

Rebecca beat me to it. Ditto everything she said. You'll work out the details if it comes to pass.

It did force me me to branch out in the friend department. Which was probably a good thing. But no one can replace her. I was moaning to M that while I can ditch my kids with other friends for doctor's appointments or PTA stuff, Rebecca was the only friend I could ask to watch my kids while I got a hair cut...

And may I highly recommend that they transfer their phone number to Vonage so you don't have to memorize a new one? Rebecca can fill you in on the details, but let's just say that we talk every day and it costs me not a penny, and it costs her a not so horrific monthly fee...

Still, not the same as having her down the street. And sending mnay big hugs your way. I was in denial until I had to go make sure their house was clean after the movers took all their stuff...

D... said...

Oh, Patois, I am so very sad for you & your daughter. I have always been the one to leave, never have I been left behind. But, if I were to lose the Bubba's Sis family, I would be heartbroken. I know how hard it is to make new friends as an adult. I feel ya'll's heartache.

Luckily, there is email, instant message, text message, cell phones, lots of ways to stay in touch. But,yes, nothing to replace that shoulder in person. It *is* possible to stay long distance friends. And maybe a family trip to New Zealand will be in your future?

Again, I hate this is happening to ya'll.

Yuriko said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yuriko said...

I hope things work out in the end.. it's very sad to see friends (particularly good ones) go... but if they are friends, they will always be around - in our hearts, our thoughts... Sometimes it takes a big push like this to make people realize what they have..

It will be very sad for your daughter also because she will have to make new friends... and perhaps one of these or another will replace this current BFF... and it will hurt... I hope it passes quickly for her.. not because the relationship didn't mean anything to her.. but because she's still young and life will be bringing her more...

I am reminded of a song from Wicked, the musical.. "For Good"
(Sorry I deleted the post previously.. the link didn't show up right..)
Try this. If it didn't work.. sorry :( I suck at code.

Linda said...

I live in Connecticut almost in Rhode Island - the Atlantic Ocean is only about an hour's drive from me. My best friend lives in California, about 60 miles east of where you live. It's been this way since I moved back to Connecticut in 1987 and it stinks. It stinks that we are so far apart and that we only see each other every couple of years if that so I feel your pain at the thought of losing your friend to New Zealand - which is a heck of a lot further away from San Francisco than Norwich is from Stockton.

Best of luck with this and trust me, I do understand as I am very particular about who I call 'friend' myself.

Toni said...

I'm sad for you. It is so hard to make friends and those old ones are irreplaceable. I have lost many friends due to relocation and it is a lonesome thing. Sorry this is happening to you.

Kirsten Michelle said...

my very best friend in the whole wide world moved away last week...but not to new zealand.
i'm so sorry :-(

thank you so much for all your support over at live,love, laugh...do you have the elizabeth mitchell cd? if not, go back and visit G!
oh, and you can use any word you want, sweetie...
even if it's already been used...there are absolutely no rules whatsoever ;-)

"H"ang in there!!!

Wolfie said...

*Hugs*

Jeni said...

When I was about two years old I suppose is when I most likely came into contact with my BF, as she lived two doors down from me then. Today, she lives three doors from me but on the opposite side of the street. We know each other very well for the most part, having shared many secrets as we grew up together. Her oldest sister lives up the street from me - she's 8 years our senior -and she, with her sister, probably are my closest friends today. But I have two other friends who, though I rarely see either of them due to distance, don't even correspond with them generally only at Christmas, but as soon as I do see them again on those rare occasions, it is like none of the years, none of the miles between us are or have been there as we fall into the same type of conversations we always had. I do miss not having the close friendship that entails frequent conversations, often shared over coffee, (sometimes over beer too) discussions that are fun, silly, angry at times about things going on in our lives, in the world, and also about intellectual things too -which is what the latter two friendships often brought into the picture. The first two friendships are more like family though in that we know each other so well, knew the others parents, children, grandkids now, and the closeness there comes from over 60 years of living so close to each other I suppose. There really aren't adequate words to describe the feelings one has for a person you know as your closest or best friend forever.

jenica said...

oh beautiful lady, i feel your pain. i've never stayed in one place long enough to have a constant close friend. in fact my hubs is the only one person other than family that i've known every single day.

*sniffle* that is so sad!

g said...

I could only hope my friends miss me as much as you will when (if?) your friend moves. :) We've been moving countries for sometime before finally deciding to establish roots.

The tech industry is very volatile though. And while your friend's husband's code can sing, he should grab the opportunity. Perhaps it's harder 'cause the kids are older... my daughter was barely 4 when we moved around... :P

I still keep in touch with most of my friends far away. But yes, it's not the same. And I don't make friends easily too. I don't think there's a way to work around it, but hmmm... time does have a way of making us deal. Sorry for my useless comment, I guess I just wanted to say I can really feel for you. *hugs*

Jolene said...

That really, really sucks. It is hard to make friends as an adult. Everyone seems to be "set" with the friends they have. Good friends are hard to find, best friends are a rarity. Poor you.

Secret Agent Mama said...

I'm so with you. My best friend is moving from Atlanta to Reno in early 2008. :(

allrileyedup said...

Oh, that's too bad. It's so hard to be happy for someone when you on the so-called 'losing' end of the decision. On the bright side, you can now plan a trip to NZ!

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