1. Youngest, “I’m going to call it a latte. Whenever you hear me say, ‘May I have a latte,” that means I want chocolate milk. I just like saying ‘latte.’”
2. Also from the youngest, when I tell him a drum is making the sound in a song he likes, “I thought they used a tangerine to make that noise.”
3. Trying to appease Sir Youngest, I tell him it’s only going to take 10 minutes to get where we were going. He asks, “How many seconds are 10 minutes?” I tell him. The boy proceeds to count to 600. A very long 10 minutes for me.
4. Telling his sister that Pete and I are watching an adult show – it was a “Mary Tyler Moore” DVD – the daughter says, “Why do you only want to watch adult videos?”
5. Our neighbors also went to see one of the Springsteen concerts a few weeks ago. Pete was talking to the husband who expressed disappointment because when he goes to see Springsteen, he expects to hear, “Born in the U.S.A. and the one about baseball.” There’s a guy who not only didn’t belong in the pit but belonged at a Barry Manilow concert.
6. Pete was talking with a guy who had decent seats to the Springsteen concert. That would be the one in which I was front row center. The guy said he was torn between what to watch: Bruce or me. Apparently, I was on the jumbo screen quite a bit. That makes me feel really good, as I wanted to be the most hated person in the room. Big check off on the list of things to do before I die.
7. You know that I’m distracted and not very focused on gaining my way into heaven when I forget to call my priest back. Twice.
8. It was the big rehearsal last night. The daughter is the flower girl and the youngest is the ring bearer. I tell the priest – not my priest, mind you – my “demon spawn” nickname for the youngest. There I go again, invoking Satan in a church.
9. The groom-to-be does not know his right hand from his left. The bride will therefore be getting her nail done. “Nail” and not “nails.” She’ll paint the one where the ring goes.
10. On a somber note, the rehearsal was moved along quickly because we were followed by a funeral. Now, everybody, rise and sing, “Circle of Life.”