Saturday, January 19, 2008

The Weekly Wonderings #45

1. You know what I like most about Super Cuts haircuts? I like the look in people’s eyes after I’ve chopped my hair off. They clearly see I’ve had a haircut. But they rarely say, “Nice haircut.”

2. One of the best things about voting as soon as I got my ballot is I don’t even have to pretend to pay attention to the volumes of junk mail coming our way.

3. One of the other best things about voting? I get to do it twice. Yeah, Pete doesn’t care a whit at this point, so my candidate gets two votes from my.

4. If that’s voter fraud, then I’m lying about the last wondering.

5. Did I not already have enough guilt-provoking things in my life that I had to go and get a “free” subscription to O, Oprah’s magazine? Cashed in some of my Coke rewards for it. Now I see the magazines unread, piling high.

6. At least I have another piece of junk mail to dispose of without opening: the renewal notice. Let’s see, it was $0 last time. Six months before my $0 subscription lapses, and they’ve started sending renewal notices. Only $21.97 for another year of guilt.

7. When is a boy too old to see his mother naked? Youngest, who will be 6 in a few months, really, really, really had to use the bathroom while I was in the shower. Eldest was in the kids’ bathroom shower, door locked as usual. I finished my shower, and as I was drying off, Youngest lifted up his shirt, pointed to his chest and asked, “Does everyone have these?” “Yes, those are nipples. Women’s breasts grow, but men’s don’t.” “Oh.”

8. Same scene, moments later, when I’m putting on my underwear. “Wow, your underwear is skinny!” [Or maybe he meant my ass is big.] “It’s called a ‘thong,’” I told him. “I don’t know all of the woman words. I’m just a boy.”

9. Strange sighting at the post Herbst Theatre for the Jefferson Awards annual to-do on Tuesday – aside from the previously noted Ronnie Lott – a woman pushing her shopping cart through the lobby. Another odd sighting at nearly the same time – a gentleman walking his little rat dog all about. He seemed not to care that he was freaking out the lovely Miss J. by letting said rat dog approach her.

10. Clothes may make the man, but a spankin’ new collar sure makes the dog. Ain’t my non-rat dog a beauty, especially when she’s seeking a gopher? Look at that tail go!Dogger

Rides to Heaven on a Gyroscope

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