Youngest's birthday party was yesterday. He turned 6, and he had all 11 boys from his kindergarten class attend, as well as a few of their older siblings.
I am a responsible pool owner. Before the big event, I sent everyone a note which included the following:
We will have a bouncy castle, which is likely the biggest attraction. We also have a trampoline and a pool. If you'd like to have your child swim, please send him/her with a bathing suit and towel. (They can just wear the bathing suit if they'd like.) If you do not want your child to swim, please let me know as well. It would also be great to know the level of their swimming ability. We've hosted many parties where guests have used the pool, and we're very attentive whenever we have kids in the pool. As you may know, I'm a task master -- I've even got the whistle to make sure everyone obeys the rules.
Please also let me know if it's okay for your child to go on the trampoline. It's got a net. We've yet to have any problems with kids getting hurt.
Pretty basic stuff, right? I've got a pool, people. It's a heck of a child magnet. I understand that. That's why we don't relax at parties. Just like the TSA, we are always on high alert here.
This is the note I would like to compose for one of the boy's parents:
I'm at a loss to understand why you sent X with his swimsuit and towel when it is clear he does not know how to swim. What possessed you to send your precious 6-year-old son to a party outfitted with clothes to change into so he could go swimming? My husband, who is not supposed to lift anything heavier than five pounds because of his triple bypass six weeks ago, had to fish X out of the pool. While all of the other kids were swimming and enjoying themselves, your son nearly drowned because you didn't see fit to tell us that he doesn't know how to dog paddle, float or in any way swim. Your response upon being told further boggles my mind. "Yes, we have to work on his swimming, don't we?" Do you know that "drowning remains the second leading cause of injury-related death among children ages 1 to 14"? I know that, which is why we are forever vigilant. I'm just saddened that I have to be so vigilant because there are idiots like you out there with children.
Gosh, I feel better just having written that for my Sunday Scribblings post this week. Thanks for listening.