Perhaps it's that the concept of saving the entire planet is too large for me to consider. I mean, what can one breeder do to save Earth? I've already wasted so many resources, and I've caused three upticks in the population over the last dozen years. I've consumed so much more than my fair share, it seems insurmountable to try to rectify. All I have left to give, it seems, is guilt, guilt, guilt.
I want to buy into the "Think Globally, Act Locally" bumper stickers I see, ironically, as frequently on gas-guzzling SUVs as I do on compacts or hybrids. I want to believe that the efforts I'm helping lead at the kids' school to "Curb Your Carbon" are helping to raise more mindful future adults. I want to think that my recycling computers and other electronic items at a local recycling center matters. I want to be able to pat myself on the back whenever I use Freecycle to either give away my items or get items I need without buying new stuff. I want to think that the items I give to Goodwill each month continue the cycle of use of material goods. I want to believe that my use of the blue bin and the green bins each week do some good.
I want, I want, I want.
Mostly, I want to believe that, while my future is short-lived by the very nature of my age, my children's futures will not be one of direness. [Dang, is that even a word?] I want to believe that, just as my parents "foolishly" worried that nuclear war would shorten their children's lives, I am "foolishly" worried about planetary disaster shortening my own children's lives.
I know I am foolish in many ways. Sadly, I don't believe my worries about the future of the planet fall into the "foolish" column.
[And, now, having spent 10 minutes depressing the hell out of myself, I'm going to spend some time reading other Sunday Scribblings posts to deepen my despair.]