Monday, October 6, 2008

Wrongly Accused

The saga of the aftermath of Daughter's run for Student Council president is nearing an end. And a beginning. You do remember my post The Loser, yes? In it, I dubbed one of the fellow candidates Ass Hole. I was wrong. She shall henceforth be known as Wrongly Accused.

Following a conversation with me before school started today, the principal had all the players down to her office this morning, with Daughter coming at the very end, in order to receive a unified apology.

What really did happen Friday? Wrongly Accused did not say Daughter only received four votes. There is corroborating evidence to support that. The other candidate who calls herself Daughter's "friend" insists she heard Wrongly Accused say just that. The principal is going to let Daughter's "friend" off on that point by saying she misheard. She is not off on the other point, this "friend" of Daughter's: telling other "friends" that Daughter only received four votes. None of her "friends" are off on that point.

A formal conflict resolution exercise was completed. All of the kids' parents are being called by the principal. The principal will speak to the upper grades today to talk about rumors -- election and otherwise -- and the havoc they cause. She will specifically call up the expectation that fifth graders in particular are supposed to be critical thinkers and not take at face value outlandish claims and, worse, pass them on willy-nilly until critical mass is achieved.

Remember how I said in my other post that I don't know of anything Wrongly Accused has against Daughter? She has nothing against Daughter. She didn't start this at all. At. All. [Hey, guess who's happy she waited for the principal to deal with this rather than calling up the girl's mother herself? Yeah, me.] I feel as if I owe her an apology for thinking this about her, even though she has no idea how livid I was.

So that part of the saga has ended. The kids were instructed to make no further mention of it. Period. Or face more wrath. I skipped out on yard duty today, at the principal's direction, to let it start to simmer down.

And what is beginning? An increasing realization on Daughter's part that friendship doesn't include bitterness and cruelty and the circus that is her current circle. We're starting with our own exercise, Daughter and me, making a list of the traits of a true friend. [Thanks, Joanne, for that one!] And we're casting a net for people who don't lie, to a "friend's" face or to the principal's face, and who don't seek to boost their own low self-esteem by lowering others'.

I'll keep you posted on how those lofty goals go.

4 comments:

Bubba's Sis said...

I'm glad it's all getting resolved. High drama = high stress. But it's good your daughter is learning a valuable lesson from all this, even tho she had to learn it the hard and sad way. Mean Girls Suck.

D... said...

I am glad Ass Hole turned out to be Wrongly Accused. But it still sucks that a "friend" brought on all this drama.

I'm so sorry that your daughter has to learn that life lesson in 5th grade. The plus side is that it sounds like she'll be better equipped to handle the friends vs. non friends thing in middle school.

I'm going to echo Bubba's Sis. Mean Girls Suck.

CP said...

So I guess I have to retract my calling Wrongly Accused (formerly known as Ass Hole) Mean Girl? I'm glad to hear it for Daughter's sake! I hope things die down soon.

Sian said...

I have been reading all about this saga and have felt unable to comment because I just did not know what to say.
Worse, if my daughter was in the same situation I would not know what to do.
So, can I just say that I have been taking notes on your enviable ability to instruct your daughter in emotional intelligence and even though I hope that I never have to put this kind of stuff into practise with my own kids, I am glad that I have now at least one tool with which to deal with an uncomfortable situation.

Phew! That was long! To sum up - Thanks friend :o)

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