Thursday, January 22, 2009

It's on the Tip of My Tongue

No, not a pierced stud.

I've been noticing lately that I am grasping to find the right word I am searching for in that huge vocabulary bank I like to refer to as my "dumb ole' brain." It's not so frequent as to make me immediately assume early-onset Alzheimer's is in the here and now for me. But it's far more frequent than it ever was in the past. [And, yes, I can remember the past. Well, parts of it.]

I do not mean to make lightly of Alzheimer's. I'd hazard a guess that everyone reading this has had a relative with the disease or has seen the disease in action in real life rather than just in a made-for-TV movie. For me, it is my Grandfather and, much more recently, my mother-in-law, Flo. The early stages are an inconvenience or an annoyance for those around them. Subsequent stages are pure devastation for them and for those who love and care for them.

I guess I'm approaching the age where I start to worry -- for real -- about my own mortality. And I say "for real" because I was once an angst-filled teen who never thought she'd be 25. And I was once bemoaning with real fear the fact that I was turning 30. I'm way past those ages now. I am probably closer to death than closer to being a teenager. Now that's facing up to what's to come.

Dealing with chronic pain, which is pretty much what I've resigned myself to, perhaps leaves me paying better attention to other signs of deterioration within me. [Hey, maybe it's the drugs that has me blank out on words!?!] Maybe I'm not really suffering more frequently for a loss of a word. Maybe I'm just noticing it more.

Or maybe I'm just delusional. [Uh-oh.]

13 comments:

Liz@thisfullhouse said...

I hear you -- sort of -- and chalk my "forgetfulness" up to mommy brain farts :)

Scribbit said...

I can't imagine how that must be to deal with pain all the time, a tongue stud would be nothing next to that!

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

I fear I am repeating myself comment after comment.

BUT AGAIN, I feel ya.

I think there's a point in which we all come to either an avoidance, an awareness or an acceptance of this phase. And right now, I'm still chalking it up to mom-nesia.

Amanda said...

Sigh, so true. Let's hope we can keep laughing.

angie said...

I've noticed the same thing. Sigh.....:)

D... said...

I, too, have noticed this in me. What's worse, I keep mixing up my husband's and son's names. The only connection is that they end in the same sound. Oh, and the boys look exactly alike. It's scary how frequently I do it tho. And those lost words...

I do like the fact that it could be the meds. I'm not taking any but I do have lack of sleep and mom-brain. Those are good excuses, right?

Tricia said...

I've noticed that I can't recall information as easily as I used to. My husband is thrilled that I can no longer remember conversations verbatim.

I can't imagine what it is to live with chronic pain. Do hugs help at all {{{hugs}}}.

Bubba's Sis said...

I am the same way, and noticing it more and more lately. I keep hoping it's just "Mommy Brain" as others have said. Or Chronic Fatigue, which I'm seriously beginning to wonder if I have. Or Mad Cow.

I read once that if you forget where you put your car keys, that's normal. If you forget what the car keys are for, then it might be Alzheimer's. Being scatter-brained is usually normal. Thank goodness.

Mary Witzl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary Witzl said...

(I just flubbed that comment, pretty much illustrating my point.)

Not for nothing do they call it 'Old Timers' disease. I can't help but wonder how all the stuff fits in my brain; surely I've gotten to the end of my hard drive by now and it's starting to spill over. There's no place now for some of the stuff I need to store away, such as where I put my glasses and what I need out of the refrigerator.

I had two grandparents with Alzheimer's and they were both hard-working, savvy people in their salad days. It's beyond scary to contemplate an end like this. Plus, my kids aren't all that patient. I find myself wondering how they might cope with adult diapers and spoon-feeding me oatmeal.

Kim/2 Kids said...

My husband was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease almost four years ago. Since then, a lot of people have mentioned to us that they forget words or are not able to think of the right word. Just to reassure you, EOAD is different. The symptoms are multifaceted, of course you know that from your relatives. I often forget words, sentences, etc but I just blame it on all those experimental drugs. Yeah, that is it.

Lucy said...

you are NOT delusional!
i am assuming u are in my age grouP?
i am guessing that old mama Menopause is knocking on your door. She knocked on mine patois and now I need a lip waxing every week! the memory loss thing is really making me crazy, I keep forgetting i have a mustache and a beard!

Janet said...

I'm in a similar boat, what with medication and the sleep deprivation that comes with having small children. I haven't slept through the night since early 2003. I didn't know that menopause would cause that too. Joy.

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