I saw this over at someone else's blog, and figured I'm feeling kind of crappy right now. What I really need is something to knock me out cold for a couple of weeks. So, yeah, that's not going to happen.
What you do is Google your name and the word "needs" all together in quotation marks. For example, my name is Patty. [You did know that, right? No? Oh. Well, pleased to meet you.] So I Googled me the term "Patty needs." And, apparently, this is what I need:
1. "Patty needs to understand there are three main objectives that she must stick to or else..." Or else what?
2. "Ask Patty needs you!" Apparently, there's a Patty out there who gives advice, just like Ask Beth. Those who know me would fear for anyone so desperate to follow my advice.
3. "Patty needs to develop a bit more before you may have your pleasure..." How the hell would you know?
4. "Peppermint Patty needs a home..." I hated that Peanuts character with a passion as a kid because, yeah, I had freckles and was a tomboy, too. Oh, and apparently I wasn't developed either.
5. "Patty needs Jenny Craig..." Actually, with my thyroid on hyper-speed, that's totally not true.
6. "Pretty Patty needs a 4 ever home." Because the one I live in will not work for me when I'm much older.
7. "Patty needs to stop cheating..." On whom?
8. "Patty needs to be bought too! Buy Me..." I do not come cheap, though. I'm kidding. I can be had for so little.
9. "Patty needs prayers please..." Yes, I always do. I'm a big believer in them.
What do you need? Go on, tell us all about it.
[And, dear lovely blogger from whom I stole this, my apologies for forgetting who I've burglarized. I know I saved your post in Bloglines, but Bloglines has been acting totally whacked the last two days and I can.not.find.it.again. So, if you see this, I throw myself on your mercy for not giving credit where credit is due. Perhaps if I get me some of that economic stimulus, I'll be able to afford to give credit.]