Friday, March 6, 2009

The Thin Tact Line

It's hard for me to walk such a path. I'm actually quite adept at some of it, though, doing the dance of do-gooder with a rapid-fire wit. I am constantly tossing scorching one-liners, but never harming anyone nearby. [Which isn't to say I talk negatively about others in their absence. In public, that is. And in private I only talk about the ones who deserve it.] [Wow! What a total bitch I am.] I say the things so many people think, without censoring for the good of society.

I'm on the nominating committee for the middle school's PTA. What, exactly, does that entail? It means I've got to find some poor schmoes who will be enticed to buy into my grand sales pitch about the value of serving on PTA, the sense of contributing one gets from serving on it, and the great honor it is to be asked. And I've got to sidestep the whole issue of why, if it's as grand as all that, I don't do it myself.

Hmmmmmm. I don't like people. As a rule. That's not true. I don't like stupid people as a rule. And I find that many, many, many people I encounter are stupid. The very thought of having to put up with the idiocy and keep a straight face and -- gasp! -- maybe feel weird or even unethical about blogging about it is enough to send me far, far away from serving on any PTA board. [Besides, the only reason for serving on PTA is to use it as a springboard to be on the school board and then in the Legislature and then in Congress, and I've done too many drugs to make it there without it being uncovered.]

But the people at the middle school, they don't really know me. They've not had enough interaction with me to recognize me for what I am. Which explains the email exchange we had today.

President NOT Obama: Any thoughts about being on the PTA board next year?

Me: If by "thoughts" you mean have I approached people to be on the board, I have. But I've struck out repeatedly.

President NOT Obama: WHAT??? What do you mean you’ve struck out? You seem very thoughtful and capable to me, kind and supportive. I think you’d be a welcomed addition to the crew. What position might you be interested in?

Me: You misunderstood. I have approached many to be on the board, but they have turned down the opportunity. I appreciate your kind words about me, but I am not really the "right" person for a PTA officer. I am far too catty and snarky. Trust me on that.

And you know what? I do believe she trusts me on that now. Hey, I might be a miserable bitch, but at least I'm honest.


gudnuff said...

Since when is catty and snarky a reason to not serve on a board? I thought that's what all those types were like. Seems like the sincere, thin-skinned types (like me) would suck at serving on a board, and the catty snarky folk would totally rock. Interesting perspective on this. Also, interesting, as a big fan of yours, to think of you as catty and snarky, because those are not on the tip of my tongue when I consider the impression I have of you via your blog. (Maybe I'm just unaware because I refuse to see those qualities in myself, but have them nonetheless. Maybe, you're such more enlightened and self-aware than I am...that would explain a lot, in fact.)

Claremont First Ward said...

I will never serve on a PTA board either. I can't stand being on committees, period, but with a bunch of thanks.

I LOVE the veggie straws, too!

Beck said...

I'm kind of the opposite, really - where i'm desperate not to hurt other people's feelings and yet I always inadvertently DO.
And this is because I am a moron.

josie2shoes said...

How I enjoyed this, especially the first paragraph. I know someone just like that(me)! It has been my experience that anytime three or more women are gathered for any reason the potential for cattiness and snarkiness increases tenfold. Sadly, I have to agree on the human stupidity. Most people drive me absolutely crazy. But I, of course, am quite perfect. For sure. :-)

Anonymous said...

I too am too snarky and obnoxious to be on the PTA board and I have evidence. I was PTA co-president for 2 years before I was asked not to return (that's right, the PTA actually turned me down). You can console yourself with the thought that at least they want you. I will say that I was not allowed to have my own opinion when I was part of the PTA.

Sarahviz said...

I think that's why I enjoy you. I don't particularly *like* people either.


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