Even Eldest let me give him that fierce hug. I cried. I cried quite a bit Thursday. I ache, thinking about Heather and Mike. Thinking about Maddie. Thinking about Sandra Cantu.
When I had to go back to work after Youngest was born -- and I mean when I had to -- I was beyond distressed. He needed me so freakin' much. He just wanted me. And I just wanted him. But back to work I went. I had no choice. [Save your freakin' condemnations for some other time, 'k?]
I went back in July of 2002, just as a little girl named Samantha Runnion had been kidnapped and murdered. I put her name on my computer and looked at it every day. Her mom would never go home to her. I would go home to Youngest and Daughter and Eldest every day. Every day.
I wanted Heather and Mike to have every day with Maddie. I want to have every day with my kids. It doesn't seem too much to ask. But it's everything.