Dear Scholastic Book Fairs,
I am volunteering at the book fair at my two older kids' middle school this week. My main job is watching to make sure the little creeps they attend school with don't swipe the worthless crap you guys sell for outrageous sums of cash. You know what I'm talking about: the big hand on a pole for $3.99, the smelly pencils for $1.99, the dollar bill erasers for $.50.
Are you shocked that they swipe that crap? Of course you're not. You expect it. You build it into your whole money-making scheme. Oh, sure, there are plenty of books to be read, but the big draw is always that junk and the Guinness Book of World Records. (I think it's page 292 this year where you include the biggest breasts item.)
So, yeah, anyway, when I arrived yesterday for opening day, one of the women running the shebang pointed out a little Post-It note she had posted that said the last installment in the Twilight series was not being sold.
I am flabbergasted. The first three books are okay for you to sell. (Along with movie posters and books about the movies and calendars about the movie stars and on and on and on.) But the last one isn't.
And that's because...?
I don't know. You tell me.
P.S. I'm no crazy-ass Twilight fan. I just don't get see what line is being drawn. I mean, in the last book, doesn't that vampire/human couple marry before consummating the relationship? Is it sexual intercourse in any situation that's inappropriate for middle schoolers? (If that's the case, you might want to check out page 342 in the World Records book.)
[Kidding about the page numbers, folks. Creative license, eh?]
[Photo courtesy - or not - of Smencils-fundraising.com]