Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Not Many Voices. Just One.

Mrs. Flinger's challenge this week for {W}rite of Passage has to do with vegetables. But not really. She notes that Anne Lamott says, "Listen to your broccoli, and your broccoli will tell you how to eat it." Mrs. Flinger goes on to say, "She's referring to that inner voice that we hardly ever hear anymore. Today, take a few minutes to be still and quiet. Listen to your inner voice and write what she/he says. That's it. Whatever it is that's in there, let it out."

The voice I hear is not a nurturing one.
It is not an encouraging one.
It is neither perky nor positive.
It is an inner voice, but it never uses its inside voice.
It harangues and pesters and tsk-tsks.
It is smug.

It tells me, whether I listen or not, that I am a terrible mother. It tells me that my children deserve someone who is not like me. Who is not like it. It says my children deserve a nurturing, encouraging, perky, positive mother who speaks softly and never harangues nor pesters nor tsk-tsks.

The inner voice screams to be heard during my waking hours. And whispers me awake in the middle of the night. And drones on and on, keeping me paralyzed with ears wide open until the morning.


mayberry said...

oh, ouch ... maybe that voice needs to come out so it can be refuted, okay?

Secret Agent Mama said...

I think I could have written that. Word for word.

ChefDruck said...

Thank you for giving voice to that angry haranguing (great word) critic. She certainly yells at me too. I hope that by getting her out, you silenced her a bit. We are our worst critics and our children love us the way we are. Thanks for your honesty!


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