Dear Fellow Parent of a Classmate of My Second Grader,
I know that we are all concerned with the future of our children's education now that the annual refrain of "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" is being shouted by our less-than-illustrious school district board of trustees. And, let me tell you, I have never felt more acutely that the f$#kers in charge will be closing our elementary school. Guess what? They're likely, also, to close my older kids' middle school!
Yeah, I am likely doubly screwed.
We're so lucky the elementary school we go to is the best in the district. It's a lottery school: we made the effort to get our kids in. And we won! We beat the 5:1 or 6:1 odds to get our kids a better education than our local neighborhood school could provide.
How do we know it's better? Well, the test results show it's the number one school in the district. The neighborhood school, by comparison, is dead last. By the way, that lottery school is actually closer to my home than the school my kid is assigned to attend.
Anyway, we know most people hate our elementary school because, well, we're not helping the less fortunate at the loser schools we're supposed to have our kids attend. [Let's not even open up that whole can of worms of how it's a loser school because of the loser parents who don't put an emphasis on English or preparing their kids for school or -- here's where I give up my liberal card once and for all -- coming here legally rather than sapping the local educational resources designed for tax-paying legal citizens. I mean, I'm obviously a racist bitch because I want my schools not teaching to the lowest common denominator. I'm an elitist because I want my kids to be challenged educationally. I'm a racist, elitist bitch who feels her kids are entitled to a decent public education because I pay my taxes. And how dare I also enjoy a reasonably priced head of lettuce while I'm at it. So, yeah, it's me and my kind who are the problem and the cause of the failure of public education in my city, county, state and country. Guilty.]
But, dear fellow parent, when we're asked to complete a survey of what we'll do if they close our precious school, are you really such a f$#king self-centered idiot as to "reply to all" on an email regarding the damn Valentine's Day party tomorrow with the following:
Just a note to urge you all to please take the SCHOOL Survey that was sent out via email tonight. I am sure we all agree that we would be devastated if our childrens [SIC] wonderful school was closed. Perhaps if we all mark the slot for Private School as where our children will go if SCHOOL closes, we will have a chance on fighting this. Just a thought....
And then you signed it with your stupid Realtor (TM) designation and the name of the real estate company where you work.
1. An email to the PTA president, who happens to be a parent of a child in the classroom and, thus, also received the email from the dumb blonde Realtor (TM) who doesn't know how to place apostrophes. What did my email say? "Are you freakin' kidding me? Please tell me you're going to 'reply to all' and say, as PTA president, you believe strongly that the correct way to answer the survey is HONESTLY. Or are you expecting me to blast the bitch? Perhaps including something along the lines of, 'Of course, as a Realtor, I guess you're used to fudging the facts.'"
2. Is she including her Realtor (TM) contact information in case some of us decide to sell our homes rather than go back to a loser school?
3. Should I suggest she just complete the survey herself 50 times, since honesty is so clearly not her policy?
Here's the deal, 'k? I'm up for a fight to save the kids' schools. The amount of money they're talking about saving by closing a school is comparatively miniscule. But advocating cheating and lying our way to get the end result, that's not something I'm going to teach my kids how to do.
I guess I'd never make it as a Realtor (TM), eh?
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