Thursday, February 4, 2010

Thank God I Don't Have to Play it Straight

[If you've come here thinking this is about the rescinding of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," move along. This is far more mundane than that.] [Which doesn't mean I don't support said action.] [Because I do.] [No shit.]

I'm the room parent in my second grader's class. That's rather grandiose, actually. I'm really the co-room parent. Or room co-parent. Or co-habitating room parent. Or whatever. I wasn't a very good co-ed, and I'm definitely not a very good co-room parent. I mean, come on, do we really need two parents? One who is blonde and does nothing. And one who is me?

Anyway, I couldn't do this thing straight. I couldn't be all proper and shit like that. It's not me. And the teacher who asked me to be the room parent knew what I was like.

Here's my email regarding Valentine's Day. Think it's time to say I'm done?

From the email I sent fellow parents entitled "Love is in the Air."

No, wait, that's not love. That's smoke from a wood-burning fireplace. And on a Spare the Air Day no less. No, wait, that's not smoke either. That's Valentine's Day. And it's coming fast.

Greetings, fellow parents of TEACHER'S students! We've got a real simple, kick-back party planned to commemorate Valentine's Day.

When: Thursday, February 11
Where: Elementary School
Who: Second grade students of TEACHER
Time: Set-up at 2 p.m.
What: Decorate a cookie and open Valentine's Day cards from each other

Could it get any easier? TEACHER will have the kids decorate their "mailboxes" (AKA white paper bags) in the spirit of Valentine's Day. Every student should send in his/her Valentine cards for every other student in the classroom. Every student should, in his/her own handwriting, address said cards. Every student will deliver the cards to the appropriate recipient.

Did you get the part where each student makes a Valentine card for every other student in the class? (Don't forget to suck up to the teacher as well!) And did you get the part where each student does the addressing of each card? None of that "Classmate," either. A different name on each card. In the student's own handwriting, no less.

So, anyone want to donate some cookies to decorate? You know, the big ole ones made for the sole purpose of having grade school students throughout North America have something to do during their party? How about frosting? Sprinkles? Anyone want to come and help (not just sit idly by and watch)?

Let me know.


P.S. All snarky and caustic remarks the sole responsibility of me. Neither TEACHER nor CO-ROOM PARENT reviewed said remarks prior to their issuance. (I know, you're thinking that I should definitely go to law school.)

[Photo courtesy]


6512 and growing said...

Wondering how the other parents took that e-mail?
Hope the party is a blast!

cjm said...

I would be very entertained receiving that.

tiff said...

you sound like my kinda room parent...i would happily accept an email that was written like this...and would have giggled out loud! That is exactly what valentine's parties are all about...cookie decorating, mailbox decorating, card giving...and quite honestly...CRAZINESS!

my favorite line is: "anyone want to come help(not just sit idly by & watch"...that is many parents just come & do nothin'!

you would be a kick ass room parent...smiles!

mayberry said...

Please come and volunteer at my kid's school too. The one mom that I used to be snarky with just switched her kids to a different school. Miss her.

CrAzY Working Mom said...

You so totally crack me up! I imagine there are lots of moms out there wishing they had the balls to hit the send button after typing up this one! *LOL*

Jomama said...

I love our room parent, who does this while still working a fulltime job. Me and my fulltime job are lucky to work from home some days, so we can sneak away and watch someone else do all the work in the classroom during these parties.

But if you shoved something into my empty hands and said, "Could you pass these out?", you know, I would.

Tara R. said...

I hope you're reporting back on whether said cards were indeed addressed by said students, and if there is any 'some kid left behind' drama.

Michele R said...

Valentine's day party? Our elem school only does winter party and day before spring break. They will decorate bags but that is about it. Not everyone will participate (very diverse school). Third grade son is not very much into it (but he would be if cookies were involved!)


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