Thursday, February 25, 2010
Yeah, I know, right?
And in case you think I'm just not counting very well, I've got a fancy-schmancy monitor of Pete's that I use. You know, Pete? Pete-of-the-triple-bypass? That one.
You want to know what makes your heart beat faster than usual? When you're checking the rate and it doesn't register. Like WTF with that, eh? Then the pounding in my head just gets that more intense.
Wouldn't that just show Blue Shield Motherf$%kers of California if I went into cardiac arrest when I had their insurance and they got stuck with the bulk of the bills?! Ha ha ha.
It was whilst Googling my dilemma that it occurred to me that those wiki answer sites are just too much to believe in. Like, if I'm concerned about something, I'm not going to be trusting Joe the Regular Man or Tiffani (with a heart over the "i") the Tambourine Shaker to tell me what's what.
Because there are far too many of us out there who would so get a kick of screwing with people's heads by answering so ass-backwards or cruelly or belligerently. And, yeah, I said "us" 'cause I'm including myself in there as well. I mean, did you see my utterly cold reaction to the Jonah story yesterday?
Q. What is the average heart rate? Mine seems to never drop below 110, even when resting.
A. The average heart rate is 54 beats per minute. A heart rate twice that is a sure indicator that death is imminent. I wouldn't even bother calling the ambulance. :)
[Photo courtesy Amazon.co.uk.]
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