Things I learned at Girl Scout Camporee this weekend.
1. In the deep of the woods, late at night, I am waiting only for a killer from Criminal Minds or Bones to decide THIS is the isolated camp where he wants to stage his biggest killing spree.
2. And, yes, the killer is a he. We are, after all, at Girl Scout camp.
3. Three of us women shared a room. One of us deserved to be smothered. The beds were creaky. Be still. Be at one with the universe. Just please, please, please stop f#$kin' moving.
4. I wondered if I could blame serial killer for her death.
5. The quintessential definition of "best friends": Daughter couldn't fall asleep so Zoetrope let her share the lower bunk with her.
6. A special shout out to the previous occupants of our cabin in the middle of nowhere. They found it in their hearts to leave plenty of coffee.
7. It was decaf, you assholes. And loads of Splenda.
8. It is always infinitely more pleasurable to be the cool adult than it is to be one of the taskmasters or plodders or cajolers or complainers. Suffice it to say that everyone wanted to hang with me.
9. Except Daughter, of course.
10. Do not, under any circumstances, seriously believe that the woman who wanted to smother you and who turned all five of your Girl Scouts against you (including your own daughter) is going to make sure that your completed evaluation makes it to the powers-that-be. "No sugary cereals for breakfast -- oatmeal or at least healthier cereal would be a good thing to serve." Shut up. That evaluation is sitting right here in front of my computer.
11. It is fun to make lanyards. Six decades of life in me and I am only now discovering this. Which explains why all of the lanyard supplies made it back to town in my car. And why they will be sorely depleted before being turned into the powers-that-be.
12. I look damn good with a bandana tied around my neck.
13. Adults should be permitted alcohol around the campfire, especially the adult entrusted with starting the damn fire in the first place.
14. Girls of all ages are enthralled when discovering the remains of a buck. Guess what Daughter gets to take to science this week? A buck skull with an antler still attached. (Pictures once I'm done soaking the skull in bleach.)