Friday, April 30, 2010

Feeling Not Good Enough

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough

-- Sarah McLachlan "Angel"

What does depression look like? Can you tell by a facial expression? By the manifestations of weakness? Illness? Contempt of all that we're supposed to desire?

I wonder.

Does a soundtrack play? Do you fixate on the sadness, the bleary, the weary, the teary? There are so many songwriters and singers and poets and writers to tell the tale. There are so many songs to wrap yourself in, so many books to delve into, so many poets to speak to you.

Swirling and whirling and twirling, feeding it, feeding this lack, feeding this black.

It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh,

This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees.

-- Sarah McLachlan "Angel"

My Jesus your gracious love and mercy

Tonight I'm sorry could not fill my heart
Like one good rifle
And the name of who I ought to kill

-- Bruce Springsteen "The New Timer"


Tara R. said...

oh Patois... are you okay?

Jomama said...

Ditto what Tara said. Let me know if some emergency socks would help...

Or a late night cup of coffee. I'm game.

Jeni said...

Okay -now you have three of us wondering and worrying about you, about this post. If you've got a problem, issues of depression, other things along those lines, please reach out to SOMEONE, ask for, search for, get help cause depression can make you ill in many ways -not just the emotional aspects it is mainly known for creating but can also cause physical ailments as well.

And to answer your question about whether it can be detected in a person's face -sometimes, yes -sometimes, not -depends on each individual.

Want me to counsel you? That was my major, what my degree is in but it's only a B.S. and a lot of folks who know me would say that's appropriate for a to have a degree with those letters in it, ya know. (Seriously -it is a B.S. in Rehab Ed -which at Penn State, translates to counseling.)

Patois42 said...

I really am fine. Physically whacked, but mentally okay. I think it's a question of moods, and feeding the mood. Kind of like when we were teenagers and just broke up with the love of our lives and read bad poetry and listened to even worse pop songs.

Jomama said...

I hear you. Dan Fogelberg was a favorite when I was in HS. An occasional visit is understandable--just don't move in there, ya hear?


I mentioned to Eldest the other night that I had a fairly wide open day Friday. Writer that he is, he wondered if I would perhaps like a wri...