I arrived home very late last night after an excruciatingly long school board meeting. I was too wired to go to sleep, so I finished a book I was reading called The Year of Pleasures by Elizabeth Berg. This is a passage I came upon that struck me deeply:
There is a story about a Navajo grandfather who once told his grandson, "Two wolves live inside me. One is the bad wolf, full of greed and laziness, full of anger and jealousy and regret. The other is a good wolf, full of joy and compassion and willingness and a great love of the world. All the time, these wolves are fighting inside me." "But grandfather," the boy said, "Which wolf will win?" The grandfather answered, "The one I feed."
I have been feeding the bad wolf for most of 2011. I was feeding it as recently as last night at the board meeting. I had prepared a statement that ripped the board and the district for the many injustices and wrongs I perceive them as perpetuating. In the end, I spoke, but not from anything I had prepared to speak. Why? Because they were poised to do yet another thing that was so blatantly in direct contrast to what they had promised to do that I had to address that.
And that bad wolf grew and grew, getting fat on my anger and mistrust and disbelief and feeling of betrayal. And I arrived home after everyone in the house had gone to sleep, wired and ticked and feeling hopeless; in other words, I was feeding that frickin' bad wolf again.
I want to start feeding the good wolf. I don't know if it is possible without essentially walking away and no longer paying attention to what happens around me. These folks are truly not to be trusted. Do I just give up? Can I just give up?
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