Sunday, February 5, 2012

Signs of Technological Singularity in My Life

I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that technological singularity has arrived, and I am the first victim. If you know what technological singularity is, skip to the next paragraph. If you don't, either click here to see Wikipedia's entry on it or recall the Terminator movies. Got it now? Good.


My story is simple. It started with a Trojan horse, one that entered our home, according to the experts, the day before we returned from our England trip. It sat and sat and sat and sat. And it sat some more. Until the day one of us got a message from Norton saying a breach had been discovered and could be simply and swiftly dealt with by clicking the cute little Norton-esque update button.


The hidden evil within the Trojan horse was unleashed and it permeated via our lovely wireless connections. No computer in the house was left unscathed. Many hours and many dollars have gone into salvaging what we could salvage. Don't get me started on how long it has taken and how much it has cost.


Don't.


Then? Then someone else in the house "forgot" that she had been instructed to not use her cell phone to talk for hours on end to her boyfriend because the 1,500 shared minutes -- and unlimited texting -- was not enough for Pete and me to use for business and cover her 2,400 minutes in one month. Overage charges galore. Don't get me started on that.


Don't.


"Grounded" doesn't begin to address what has happened to that female child of mine.


You need more evidence that I am the test case for technological singularity and the need to take up survival skills to take on the evil that is Artificial Intelligence? For more than 24 hours, I have been unable to access my Hotmail account. Pete can access his from both my computer and his laptops. But I can't access mine from anywhere. Sure, I can log into MSN, and it shows me that I have mail. It is taunting me, though, with a "You've got mail, bitch, but good luck accessing it" attitude.


I am the test case. Which child of mine do you think Arnold Schwarzenegger is coming after?



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