Thursday, October 4, 2012

See Dick Drive Your Father's Oldsmobile

This is a typical Patty rant. When people ask, "How do these things always happen to you," I always acknowledge that I really don't know. But they do.

I pull into line at the Safeway gas station. It's easy to queue up. We all do it all the time.

But like not that long ago, someone decides to cut in front of someone else -- me -- with utter disregard for me and the other folks patiently waiting in line.

I throw the Jeep into park, turn off the engine, and go approach the person. He is an old man, probably 75 or so. He is driving something akin to your father's Oldsmobile. I try saying "Excuse me," as he tries to back into the space. He doesn't hear me.


Or maybe, I will decide later, he ignores me.

As he gets out, I say, "Excuse me. There's a line."

He looks at me, with no befuddlement, and says, "And.......?"

So I say, "AND, we're all in it. AND, you've cut in front of us."

To which he says, "AND.......?"

To which I say, "AND that's a DICK thing to do, AND you're a DICK."

Then I go back to my car, put it into 4-wheel-drive, and ram his aged old body into his car.

No. I don't. I go back into my car, pull into the now-vacant space behind him, and I begin the process of pumping gas. I keep my phone with me to snap picture after picture after picture of him.

That bothers him.

It would probably bother him less if he knew that, in fact, I don't have a camera on my phone.

I finish first, and as I drive past him, I slow down, and I say, "I take solace in the fact that you'll be dead in a few years."

And I drive away.

DICK.

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