Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Kinda Like National Lampoon

We'll be hitting the road, me and the kids, for spring break soon enough. I can hear all of you parents of kids attending schools without ski week saying to yourselves, "WTF? How come your spring break is so late?" Being pagans, our school district supports worshiping the snow for a week in February and then scheduling another week for spring break which has no association whatsoever with that Christian holiday which shall not be named in the public schools.

Being someone who digs that ski week in February, I'm all for a later spring break in exchange. Keeps us away from all the riff-raff, donchaknow.

We're going to D.C., staying with some old friends for part of it and staying in a hotel for some of it. And while I already cringe when people who know my family in its entirety get to witness the group dynamics of the clan, I cringe all the more envisioning the reactions of people who don't know my kids when they get to see them all up close and personal for an extended period of time. I hold out no hope that they'll tone it down when they meet my very dear old friends. [Note I'm not calling them "old," because then I'd have to call myself the same. Shit. I am old. And so are they.]

It's going to be the Bickerers on Vacation. It won't matter that each will be spoken to, individually and collectively, by Pete and I, singularly and together. The eye rolls and instant raising of hackles and poke-poke-poking old wounds won't be kept our own little family secret.

Now that I think about it, we Family Bickerers really could bring Olympic-style panache to those activities. I'd win, hands-down, for eye rolling, particularly the covert and yet subversive ones. Eldest will win in the raising of the hackles, although Youngest will be the one responsible for raising said hackles, it being a team event and all. And Daughter, with her fevered assertions of "HE TRIED TO DROWN ME ONCE" and "HE IS ALWAYS LIKE THAT" as proof of Youngest's demonic inner being, will win the old-wound-poking martyrdom crown.

Gold medal winners, we are.

We're going to take the Capital -- and the Capitol when we tour -- by storm.

Look out.


Anonymous said...

Hey, I know that refrain, chapter and verse!

S said...

Hey! We were just there! Among the riff raff with the early spring break! :)


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